My dearest twenty-one year old girl,
This letter may come as a hurtful surprise to you, but please, keep reading. I know that right now you don’t understand boundaries between a man and a woman. You’re not even sure yet why, when and how they exist. And right now you’re naive to the fact that in friendships, emotions and pasts and physical touch can be confusing and messy and lead down hurtful roads. You’re a “guy’s girl”. We all know one—the kind of girl who thinks that most women on this earth except for her are catty and jealous and can’t be trusted.
There’s a reason why, right now, I’m referring to you as a “girl”.
There is an unhealthy balance in seeking out more friendships with the opposite sex than your own. Let’s be honest—guys and girls were made opposite sexes for a reason, and it wasn’t to just be friends. Is it possible to maintain friendships with each other? Absolutely. But we should learn our limits in those friendships, especially in those crucial teens and twenties when we are figuring out ourselves and the world around us.
Darling—no man, no matter how good of a friend he is to you, should be the one you confide in about all the turbulent places this world will take your sweet heart and mind. He cannot be your validation when your self-esteem has been challenged, and he will not be able to speak into those inherent longings inside you that only a woman would understand. Remember that who you need to be filled with is the One who made you, not the one standing in front of you.
While you are not responsible for the choice a man makes to lust, don’t intentionally drive a man in your life to do so. And if you find out he is struggling, don’t bring him down or punish him. Encourage him to seek help and show him grace.
That guy you’re talking to whose heart is wrapped up in or committed to someone else? Take a step away, love. Offering parts of yourself to someone who can’t offer anything back will only hurt you in the long run. It is not up to you to change his heart.
Be wary of what you post online and how much of yourself you’re letting the world in on for free. Those photos of yourself and the guys you’re with do not do justice to the heart beating inside of you. Think of everything you want to give your future husband and don’t give those things away to people who aren’t him. When you meet that man who you want to spend the rest of your life with, you’ll want him to trust you with other guys and know he is getting all of you.
Now here’s one you’re really not going to want to hear— If one of you in an opposite sex friendship is dating someone, don’t spend ample time alone with each other. And don’t seek out the wrong kind of relationship advice from your opposite sex friends. You know the type—when you really only want to hear what will validate you and not what is best for everyone involved.
Love your brothers as Christ would—equally and unconditionally. Respect their hearts and the place they are in, but show the same care and give the same encouragement to all.
If one of your friends is struggling, walk with him in encouragement, love, and lack of judgment, but also direct your friend to mentors, counselors and disciplers who have the wisdom and experience to establish long-term help.
Recognize spiritual warfare in one another and pray against it. Fight for each other’s hearts in Christ.
Seek out other ladies. Surround yourself with strong women who have been there and done that, or who can speak true feminine wisdom into this season of your life. Don’t boast in “men just understanding you better.” Men and women were not created with the same hearts. Cherish the femininity in yours and find good women to share it with.
And remember that you are worth so much more than what you’ve already lost. Your God is the Father of redemption, and you are one of His delivered. Let your friendships with the men in your life reflect that always.
Love,
Yourself, four years wiser
[Because sometimes the very words we need to hear are our own]
AMEN sister! Though I’m way pass the age… For all my sisters who are in the teens and early-mid 20s - be wise in balancing those opposite sex friendships
Within this Christian vision for marriage, here’s what it means to fall in love. It is to look at another person and get a glimpse of the person God is creating, and to say, “I see who God is making you, and it excites me! I want to be part of that. I want to partner with you and God in the…
From Paul Tripp’s What Did You Expect?
1. Love is being willing to have your life complicated by the needs and struggles of your husband or wife without impatience or anger.
2. Love is actively fighting the temptation to be critical and judgmental toward your spouse, while looking for ways to encourage and praise.
3. Love is the daily commitment to resist the needless moments of conflict that come from pointing out and responding to minor offenses.
4. Love is being honest and approachable in times of misunderstanding, and being more committed to unity than you are to winning, accusing, or being right.
5. Love is a daily commitment to admit your sin, weakness, and failure and to resist the temptation to offer an excuse or shift the blame.
6. Love means being willing, when confronted by your spouse, to examine your heart rather than rising to your defense or shifting the focus.
7. Love is a daily commitment to grow in love so that the love you offer to your husband or wife is increasingly selfless, mature, and patient.
8. Love is being unwilling to do what is wrong when you have been wronged but to look for concrete and specific ways to overcome evil with good.
9. Love is being a good student of your spouse, looking for his physical, emotional, and spiritual needs so that in some way you can remove the burden, support him as he carries it, or encourage him along the way.
10. Love means being willing to invest the time necessary to discuss, examine, and understand the problems that you face as a couple, staying on task until the problem is removed or you have agreed upon a strategy of response.
11. Love is always being willing to ask for forgiveness and being committed to grant forgiveness when it is requested.
12. Love is recognizing the high value of trust in a marriage and being faithful to your promises and true to your word.
13. Love is speaking kindly and gently, even in moments of disagreement, refusing to attack your spouse’s character or assault his or her intelligence.
14. Love is being unwilling to flatter, lie, manipulate, or deceive in any way in order to co-opt your spouse into giving you what you want or doing something your way.
15. Love is being unwilling to ask your spouse to be the source of your identity, meaning and purpose, or inner sense of well-being, while refusing to be the source of his or hers.
16. Love is the willingness to have less free time, less sleep, and a busier schedule in order to be faithful to what God has called you to be and to do as a husband or wife.
17. Love is a commitment to say no to selfish instincts and to do everything that is within your ability to promote real unity, functional understanding, and active love in your marriage.
18. Love is staying faithful to your commitment to treat your spouse with appreciation, respect, and grace, even in moments when he or she doesn’t seem to deserve it or is unwilling to reciprocate.
19. Love is the willingness to make regular and costly sacrifices for the sake of your marriage without asking anything in return or using your sacrifices to place your spouse in your debt.
20. Love is being unwilling to make any personal decision or choice that would harm your marriage, hurt your husband or wife, or weaken the bond of trust between you.
21. Love is refusing to be self-focused or demanding but instead looking for specific ways to serve, support, and encourage, even when you are busy or tired.
22. Love is daily admitting to yourself, your spouse, and God that you are not able to love this way without God’s protecting, providing, forgiving, rescuing, and delivering grace.
cannot wait till we get to see these two in actions for @sixsteps & my big day <3 we are so blessed to have met them, our brother & sister-in-Christ
* international award winning destination wedding & portrait photographers *
Jeremy Chan and Zabrina Deng is the award-winning husband and wife photographer duo based out of San Francisco, California. Together, they are JeZa—an energetic and creative husband & wife full-time wedding photographers team.
Their work is inspired by faith & hope, passion of loving relationships, style of couture fashion, unique culture values, and the beauty of basic everyday things. Their focus on your photo session is to showcase the your genuine relationship & affections toward each other; also your love toward family and friends on your most important day of your live too.
Zabrina has a keen eye for capturing details, emotions, style, and the oh-my-word “wowsers” in her photos. Her husband Jeremy has tremendous skill for post-processing: editing photos a step beyond amazing, to awesome, producing stylized (or natural looking) images you’d think had come from a fashion or wedding magazine!
So book JeZa Photography ASAP for your next photography needs: engagement; wedding; fashion; lifestyle; portraits; senior photos! Whether you are in California, or some other international destination, Jeremy & Zabrina will be happy serve all your photography needs wherever u may be :)>
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“If I have made gold my trust
or called fine gold my confidence,
if I have rejoiced because my wealth was abundant
or because my hand had found much,
if I have looked at the sun when it shone,
or the moon moving in splendor,
and my heart has been secretly enticed,
and my mouth has kissed my hand,
this also would be an iniquity to be punished by the judges,
for I would have been false to God above.(Job 31:24-28 ESV)
Heavenly Father,
We come before you confessing our sins: thoughts that are not like your thoughts, selfish desires and evil passions, and their wicked fruit—cruel words and unjust acts.
Keep us, Lord, from pride and arrogance, and from scornful judgment of others.
Keep us, Lord, from worshipping the blessings that you have given us.
Keep us, Lord, from trusting in anything except your grace.
Lord, you know our temptations and struggles. Show mercy on us, that we may seek the righteousness of faith, that we may be forgiven, and that we may be strengthened each day by your Holy Spirit, to serve you in the joy of liberty.
“I, I am he
who blots out your transgressions for my own sake,
and I will not remember your sins.(Isaiah 43:25 ESV)
